Sunday, December 17, 2006

Let me tell you about how I feel about the months of the year

December I like. It's a nice month. Then January sucks, February sucks, March sucks, April sucks, May is nice, I like May, I like June, I like July, August is okay, I like September, September's nice, October's okay, November...indifferent, December I like, then you have January, which sucks, then February sucks, March sucks, April sucks, May is nice, June is nice, I like July, August is okay, September is nice, October's okay, November I'm indifferent about, December is nice, I like December, then January sucks, February sucks, March sucks, April sucks, May is nice, I like June, July is—whoops, I seem to be repeating myself here. Sorry about that. But note how my preferences seem to fall along seasonal lines. For example, I seem to dislike most or all of the winter months, whereas I appear to enjoy the summer months, all the while feeling quite ambivalent about the "in-between" months of spring and fall. Let me tell you another thing I've noticed about the seasons. I've noticed that the winter months tend to be months of cold weather, whereas the summer months tend to be warm weather months. I am prepared to conclude from these findings that I, Matt Walker, am partial to warm weather, as opposed to cold weather. Of course, there are exceptions to every rule. If my dislike of the cold weather months of winter is a rule, then the exception to that rule is my fondness for the month of December. Science cannot explain this discrepancy. Or can it? Can science explain this discrepancy? Can it? Can you? Can any of us? Indeed, can any of us explain anything at all? Are there enough hours in the day, days in the week, weeks in the month, months in the year, years in the decade, decades in the century, centuries in the millenium, millenia in the era, eras in the aeon, aeons in the—well, I guess that's the largest unit of time we have. Do you know of any larger units? If so, don't keep it a secret. Please tell me. Protect yourself. If you see a suspicious package or activity on the platform or train, do not keep it to yourself. Tell a police officer or an MTA employee. Remain alert, and have a safe day. This is...Grand Central, 42nd Street...Transfer is available to the...4, 5, 7, and shuttle to Times Square. Connection is available to Metro-North. Whoosh... This is a Brooklyn Bridge-bound 6 train. The, next, stop, is, 33rd Street. Dingdong! Stand clear of the closing doors, please. Whoosh. Ka-chunk! Whoosh. Stand clear of the closing doors, please. Dingdong! Ka-chunk, Ka—Ding! Stand clear of the— Whoosh. Ka-chunk!