Thursday, January 31, 2008

Everything is trivial.

How to win an argument

"I don't want to talk about it anymore, therefore I win."
I...drink...your...MILKSHAKE!
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Wednesday, January 30, 2008

As if on cue, what music comes piping through my earphones as I wrap up the previous post? Why, it's none other than...

The Royal Scots Dragoon Guards!!!
I'm not saying the logical way is always the way to go, but I like a little logic in my life wherever I can get it. If we lived in a logical world, wouldn't men be the ones to wear skirts and dresses, given our anatomy? The Scots have it right in this regard. RULE BRITANNIA!!!!!!!!! (Scotland counts, right? I mean, it's part of Great Britain.)

"Of course, this book will have consequences."

Really? In what universe would that be? Because in this one—despite the wishful thinking of certain sanctimonious commentators—poetry does not have political consequences. Hell, most elections don't have political consequences (except the negative kind).

The war in Iraq will go on no matter how many poems are written saying how bad it is. People in certain theocratic countries will still be getting their heads chopped off no matter how many poorly-translated imported protest poems show up in American literary journals.

I'm so sick of this "political poetry" debate that I don't even feel like saying anything more about it in this post. Indeed, I have an urgent desire to discuss anything else. Doesn't matter what. Tulsa, for example. Let's talk about Tulsa. The band, I mean, not the city. I am not a fan of Tulsa, the band. I have never been to Tulsa, the city, and I have no desire ever to go there. Would I like it? Doubt it. Then again, I've never seen such flatness as can be found in the "Plains states", which many people incorrectly consider part of the Midwest. Here are the Midwestern states: Indiana, Ohio, Michigan, Illinois, Iowa, Minnesota, Missouri, and Wisconsin, in the order in which they occurred to me. If your state lies west of the Mississippi River, your state is not a Midwestern state. It is a Plains state. If your state is West Virginia, your state is special, because it is not a firm member of any one region. Kudos to you, West Virginia—or as I like to call you, "the W.V."—for breaking off from Confederate Virginia during the Civil War. You're a State among states.

ANFSCD. (And now for something completely different.) I think the British do it right where quotation marks and punctuation are concerned. Americans like their commas and periods to be inside the quotations marks, probably because they feel it's visually pleasing, whereas those wise Anglo-Saxons abroad prefer the logical approach, putting those pesky punctuation marks outside the quotes. They make sure the quotes (or as they say, "inverted commas") hug the words that are being quoted, visual aesthetics be damned.

RULE BRITANNIA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Another band I am not a fan of is The Go! Team.

Ghostland Observatory I can imagine liking in certain contexts.

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

This is disappointing. It's also unfair, petty, and ridiculous.

Friday, January 25, 2008

Has anyone else heard that Terre Haute is the only place in the country where people use the term "railroaded" to mean getting stopped by a train? Is it true that nowhere else do people who are late for work or school give the excuse, "I got railroaded"? I can't find any online dictionaries that include this definition, but Terre Hautians use it all the time.

Farmer hides castle from building inspectors

"I understand there is also a cannon."

Thursday, January 24, 2008

A special place in Hell

for people like her. If only I believed in such things.

Oh, and while I'm at it, don't forget the Westboro Bullshit Church.

Tuesday, January 22, 2008

Happy Birthday, George Gordon, Lord Byron

Blog for Choice Day

So here's something I never realized. Apparently my birthday is Roe v. Wade day. I guess January 22 is an even more important date in history than I thought. I'm in good company.

Monday, January 21, 2008

Two of the best movies I've ever seen in the theater came out just weeks apart. No Country for Old Men. There Will Be Blood. See them.

Wednesday, January 9, 2008

My writing sample

Welcome to my writing sample. It is the only sample of my writing in existence, as far as I know. I have samples of many other things, like wallpaper. I'm supposed to decide which one is best. I don't know how to decide. If I did I would have done so by now. Color is one aspect of the choosing. Another is texture. Still another is pattern. What would go well with the room in which I plan to paper the wall? How is this room used, and by whom? These are questions I should be asking myself, but my preference is to sit quietly in the half-bath and file my nails as I wait for the century to blow over. Sorry, I meant storm of the century to blow over. I get the strangest cravings as I sit here. I get the heebie-jeebies just thinking about it. I think about it so much that I am never without the heebie-jeebies. Sometimes I impersonate Veronica Lake so well that people swear I'm doing Constance Ockelman. And that, my friends, is my writing sample.
I would not be lying if I said, "I am currently sitting on a chair with no pants, allowing a prescription hydrocortisone to dry." I would, however, be leading you to believe, erroneously, that the chair on which I am sitting was at one time wearing pants. Do not be fooled. My chair wears only shorts.