Thursday, July 31, 2008
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
I was so bored with my old life;
I was so bored with decent odds.
My new roommate left her debit card:
some sort of test for me. It's too hard.
Try to run an errand. Nervous sweat.
I rush back home and if I win I'll give her half. (I bet.)
Online casinos in the Caymans;
Legal disclaimer writ for layman's.
I moved back into New Canaan;
babysit my sister's kids; it's rainin'.
They fuss a bit while I put them to bed,
and grumpy, sitting on the couch, I get it in my head:
take Metro North. A silver candlestick.
To Aquaduct on LIRR. Pick.
I was so bored with my new life.
I felt like I knew all the odds.
I bet 'gainst myself I wouldn't wager
my boyfriend's mother's mansion (nothing major).
I stole the deed one night when she was drunk.
I drove onto the reservation with it in my trunk.
Sensors beep the threshold when I crossed it;
thirty thousand marker soon I lost it.
Baltimore inner harbor (sports) zone:
being courted. He's talking on his cell phone.
"Let me tell you why I think I love her:
She knows you always take the bye week dome home team to cover."
Go up to Pimlico and I choose.
It's no fun if it's fine when you lose.
I was so tired with all the angles;
I was so bored with losin' easy
So I gambled on going further a-field.
So I flew to Sydney and then to Bali and then to Jakarta
and called on my step-father's ex-business partner
Major Timmy Sastrosatomo
and he set me up as a silver smith/batik dabber
in a house once owned by the Princes of Mataran.
And he told me all his troubles.
We bribed a CFO at Semen Cibinong
to get them to buy a 40% stake
and we got a 5 million dollar order from Nieman Marcus,
which we filled about 10%;
but I did sell them my children's book
which I said was a South Sumatran
folk tale—which went like this:
I played cards for seven days straight,
was up $47 dollars late
evening as the sun went down I saw
the ace of diamonds up his sleeve—black velvet on his paw.
I fold, say goodbye politely.
They bark, you don't get off that lightly.
I dreamed of a casino way up in the hills of Borneo
where I lost with the giant flying squirrels and orangutans and great morman
butterflies all day long.
'Til the bulldozers turned us into Whole Fruit Fruit Bar sticks and china markers.
I saw some music reviewer compare the Friedbergers' lyrics to Kenneth Koch, and that reviewer mentioned another reviewer who compared them to John Ashbery. Maybe, sometimes. I don't know, those reviewers might have just picked those names because they were music reviewers not necessarily acquainted with as many poets as poetry reviewers might be. I don't know who I would compare them to.
Semen Cibinong is a real company by the way. Apparently they are "one of Indonesia’s largest cement manufacturers".
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
Monday, July 28, 2008
9:03 PM me: dude what is with all this CANNONFIRE in Harlem right now???
9:04 PM i swear to god it sounds like cannons
big, booming battleship guns
i have no idea what it is
9:06 PM i don't hear screams, so i guess it's nothing to worry about
i can't see any out the window
9:07 PM and it's way louder
[my friend]: i don't know
me: it's like the friggin spanish armada out there!!
9:09 PM this is insane. it's still going on. it's not even a holiday
i swear it sounds exactly like a world war two movie
i've never heard such booms before
9:11 PM it's like the bloody blitz over here
me: it's like freakin gettysburg, jeez louise
ok it stopped
9:13 PM man that was weird
Sunday, July 27, 2008
There are a few products that have an unmistakably masculine identity:
The time to use your coupon for a free Jockey panty from Macy's is finally here.
Giorgio Armani knows exactly how to attract the ladies (almost naked David Beckham, anyone?
Sexy skivvies aimed at gay men are an undercover phenomenon. Did this always say
"It's panty time?" Bahahaha!) A couple meet in a bar and go back to her place to have wild sex.
Oklahoma gets lucky capturing two panty thieves within a week. It's not the first time
Nor will it be the last that those sexy women's undergarments have a hard time
Believing that Gandhi wrote this "quote"—Wear your Panties for Peace proudly,
Share your voice loudly and wage peace! Doctors rarely see what kind of girdles
Their patients wear, which explains why it took so long to find out what was wrong
With two Manhattan women who went shitless for that annoying,
Awkward time of the month. No matter how much they've improved
Japanese women are often reluctant to live on the ground (first)
Floor of an apartment building due to the supposed danger of underwear theft.
I know this sounds like a young boy's dream
And every time I wear it, I have to wear it with a panty liner.
It’s not like I have weird discharge, but it’s often wet down there and
There's so much more to this ruffled thong than meets the naked eye.
His masculinity was so unquestionable that he posed in panty hose for a magazine
Advertisement. And at a time when athletes were expected to be modest,
It's always panty time at Panty Hog. It’s not really the first time
Nerds and outcasts come together to win. As noted above,
Satin panties are sexy and innocent all at the same time,
And are often seen in bridal lingerie. A popular combination is a satin bustier,
Thigh highs and when you purchase the skank sack, you get one free pair
Of clear plastic panties and pepper. Girls are supposed to be chaste and obedient
While at the same time, no skintight tops, pants or skirts, no panty lines, no
Spaghetti straps. Panty Slut-boy has dropped the government in it again,
This time of his culling of the "incorrect" political ideology of
A person who did everything by crossing the Panty Line.
When shower games get weird, how do I keep peace with my husband
But at the same time find a way to tolerate blogs that reference this entry:
Making the world easier for stalkers one pair of panties at a time. Thank you
For all those panties flashes, I’ve got a good idea what panties to purchase
The next time I shop. The retail value of each panty is up to $28.
I also like to wear no panties at times. I know people wear thongs because
They don't want to show panty lines. You have to be real careful.
Panty Flash Teacher, a weak title and weak premise within the show,
Is actually surprisingly fun considering its angle. Once the correct model
Is found wearing the right panties, and the outer clothing
Has been removed, it's time to use the camera
To photograph Annie's underwear, probably the most popular in Japan.
Saturday, July 26, 2008
Perfect weather pisses me off because no matter what I do I feel like I'm wasting it. The picture above is a picture of perfect weather. It's too hard to decide what to do, because you feel pressure to get it right. After taking this picture I used the bathroom at the Tribeca Barnes & Noble (cleanest one in town) and while I was there decided to see if there were any new poetry books that didn't suck and which I didn't know about. There was. It's called Rogue Hemlocks, and it's written by a person whose name is Carl Martin. It's his third book. It is a book I will buy if and when I see it at a decent bookstore. Ahem. So no, I didn't buy it, but I skimmed a couple of poems and felt pretty much like I'd read something I'd never read before, which is something that happens to me only once a month or so. That's a wild guess, but still.
I'm going to this thing at Unnameable tomorrow that should be fun and interesting.
I'm almost done with the third chapter of Sentimental Education.
Friday, July 25, 2008
Thursday, July 24, 2008
Wednesday, July 23, 2008
I have never ever wished any ill on you…
Anyhow, find that blasted mistletoe
And shag some dirty old fratricidal
Fraudulent hippopotamus hippie hipster
(Mexican Independence Bash)
At Club Boomerang 21+, Big Ska Country.
We’re the Champions; nonalcoholic,
Unemotional, uninebriated, uninteresting,
Unproductive. Hilfe, meine Frau
Heiratet ein Hippo! To get rid of the hippo
They’ve tethered in their front yard,
You’re taking a stand. “Hippy” is
An adjective describing someone
With wide hips. That was a hungry,
Hungry hippo, to which my mother exclaimed,
"It's a rhino! Bungalow Markets
Would have been cooler if I wore women's
Hippie garb. A very windy day,
A snowy day! Spaceship Goodbye in the Sky!
Hey look what we found in the water!
There are mouth-breathing house-frau
Retards out there masturbating themselves.”
Vets said Hilda the Hippo had a gag reflex
Which caused her to swallow
Hippo’s renovation. Knitting hats is
For hippie losers, milestones reached.
A guy is going to dress up in a life-
Sized hippo suit, Frau Blucher!
And the whole storyline with Duke Lavery
Trying to win over Frau Hitler, Santa Claus,
“The Original Hippie”, hitherto Hitchcock,
Fraudulent hippogriff. Homer & Jethro
From Cool Crazy Christmas Cloud Cult
Use Mr., Mrs., Miss or Ms. in most contexts
Although Madame is a fraternity fraud,
A genus of sand bugs having big hips,
Always something (hippos) there to remind me:
Yo La Tengo song (certainly the only)
Referencing David Crosby, beautiful piece
Of hippy drippy nonsense though, and knew
That such pursuits wouldn't pay the bills
To be read as in the throes of
A hip-proof hip roof posttraumatic neurotic
Tuesday, July 22, 2008
The carpet is light beige
and has a very nice weave to it.
Please do not knock on the door.
You will need a pick-up truck.
The flooding of our home was
not fun, but we were able
to get new carpet which
is much nicer than our old carpet.
We just pulled out some nice
mixed tan and white color carpet
that was just put in
and redid our hardwoods.
The carpet is in great shape.
It is not an entry level carpet.
It is a nice carpet, not
a cheap carpet. A neutral color
and nice. It's not our forever
home, it's nice carpet, it's
just not what I wanted
or like very much. Bah.
You should have a nice-looking
carpet. By tweaking what is
especially nice about America
the opposite will fit. And it
will be nice to have
(instead of a really old, dirty,
spotted carpet) a nice carpet.
The inclusion of furniture
will make it nice. I was
thinking of the second flood
in my sun room a few years back
when I purchased a carpet.
Check out that weird couple,
blatantly sleeping. Find a
nice carpet logo and run.
This is a sure way to
make carpet last longer.
If you have a nice home
with nice carpet, people
usually aren't offended by
this policy. The colors are
warmer, the silk is very shiny.
Bedrooms are meant to be soft
and calm, an appropriate place
for nice carpet. Stairs can get
pretty loud. I refuse to
believe that I can't have
nice carpets in my home
just because I chose
a sort of flecked oatmeal,
brown, cream, cinnamon, light
gray combination that shows
very little in the way of dirt.
Prepare yourself. It made quite
a difference to have nice carpets.
We will both be very happy
with some nice new carpet.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Find nice curtains for the kitchen.
I want something that looks nice,
strangely flavorless and cold.
The yuppie culture of the eighties
looks like a particularly grim stretch
of relentless pictures. I really liked
the curtains. The curtains are only
a year old. A crack on the ceiling
created years in which a retro-
obsessed nerd indulged his taste
for musty old magazines, horrid
cookbooks, and truly frightening
design books. Nice curtains, but you
forgot the walls. I want something
that looks nice but isn't too expensive,
cheap because one of them has a tiny
rip in it from my dog scratching it,
but you can't tell. I love a good
German diva, and Marianne Rosenberg
fits that title down to the ground.
These curtains are very nice
but I will need to pair them with blinds
or sheers because they are kind
of thin. I've purchased some really
nice drapes for my home. They have
so much more to offer than just curtains.
I am always baffled by why there is
so little choice. Or is that just me?
I drew each curtain panel through
a ring and voila! I had nice-looking curtains.
These rings sell for about $1 a dozen.
My friend whom I stayed with
in London had these curtains
made with fabric she got. I put them
on the inside of my window
with a tension rod. The curtains
are thick. They are really nice
curtains. It's just a shame they are
not lined. My front room gets really bright
so I need a lined curtain to pull over
sometimes. I like the feel of this shot;
the dog makes it work. I applaud
your excellent taste. I mean, somebody'll
make some nice curtains for the windows
and be condemned with nice curtains.
Who'll make curtains, that refugee?
Those are really nice curtains!
If you want to make more curtains,
our 1979 Westfalia Bus is totally
unrestored, and in very nice condition.
It has green rough burlap-type curtains
which I can do without, curtains
that fit your style. I love the big
open windows. I mean, no one shoots
and no one notices. They could be
my dream curtains. They could be yours.
Sunday, July 20, 2008
Saturday, July 19, 2008
TMZ looks like a fun place to work
I'd like to go work there and have fun working there
Every day would be fun and it would be a fun
Place to work. The best thing about it would be the fun
And the good times of working at TMZ
Working in a regular office isn't fun
And working at TMZ looks like it is
Fun. I'd like to have fun working
At TMZ or somewhere else even but
TMZ looks like it would be an especially fun place to work
When you work there it's apparently the case that
There is more fun involved in that job
Than in many other jobs
Which is why I want to work there instead of somewhere
Else that isn't TMZ and isn't fun
Because from the looks of it
TMZ is a fun place to work
Friday, July 18, 2008
Thursday, July 17, 2008
Tuesday, July 15, 2008
"After 9/11, some pious nitwits, suffering from an America-centrism akin to the medieval belief that the Earth was the center of the universe, intoned that "irony was dead." Seven years later, they've been proven right -- but not in the way they intended. Irony may have been killed, but not by sincerity -- it's been killed by cynicism. Vast swaths of the left have apparently been so traumatized by the Big Lie techniques employed by the Bush administration, its media lickspittles like Fox News, and the right-wing attack machine that they have come to regard all images or texts that contain negative stereotypes as too politically dangerous to run. If you satirically depict Obama as an Islamist terrorist, in this view, you are only reinforcing and giving broader currency to right-wing smears."
Monday, July 14, 2008
A person put a picture of a beach above our toilet
It is important to remember that the air above the beach
Is about 10 to 15 degrees cooler than the city air
So if it's 70 in the city it's under 60 on the beach
Which means you have to remember to wear a long-
Sleeved shirt or else you will feel chilly
Above our toilet makes me
Comfortable with the idea
Of spending a few minutes in the bathroom
But my feelings concerning the beach are unchanged:
It is both conventional and enjoyable, like many contemporary novels
Friday, July 11, 2008
As you've undoubtedly surmised, the severely adumbrated parallelogram above is the famous final page of the twelfth chapter of the first volume of The Life and Opinions of Tristram Shandy, Gentleman, by Laurence Sterne. Actually, it's the final two pages, back-to-back sides of the same leaf. I should also say that I spent a good half an hour trying to decide if it's appropriate to use the word "adumbrate" in the way I have just now. I couldn't decide; it probably isn't. I also had to look up parallelogram. Although, I really shouldn't say had to, since it's good to look up words if you need to (and even if you don't need to—you still might learn something). I got to look up parallelogram. That's better. As I was saying, or rather was about to say, Tristram Shandy is, unlike many classic novels I have attempted, a book with which I became wholeheartedly and enthusiastically devoted to from the very first page. It has been a constant (okay, intermittent) companion since October 2005, a few months after I commenced my short-lived dishwashing career in Bloomington, and it has followed me to New York, all the way to my desk here at...uh, the place where I work. This morning on the train I finished the ninth chapter of the second volume (out of nine volumes), which puts me about 90 pages into a 600+ page book. My goal is to finish it before the end of the world in December 2012. I might have to pick up the pace. Anyway, this is another book that I think would go over well with high school kids, better at least than The Scarlet Letter, a probably irrational hatred for which I cannot seem to get over. We would do well to keep in mind that when I express certain feelings about The Scarlet Letter, I am expressing the feelings of a 14-year-old, specifically the 14-year-old self of mine who read it. None of my subsequent selves has read The Scarlet Letter. But I still think it would not be a bad thing if someone were to sneak into a high school library late at night and replace every copy of The Scarlet Letter with a copy of Tristram Shandy.
In other news, I have just been informed that Australian composer Percy Grainger, "avowed racist" and "Duke Ellington fan", had a collection of 70 whips. More on that later, perhaps.
Thursday, July 10, 2008
Wednesday, July 9, 2008
Tuesday, July 8, 2008
"By the way, to put to rest Kent Johnson’s folderol about who wrote 'A True Account of Talking to the Sun at Fire Island,' that poem was salient among the poems Kenneth and I discovered—'Hey, look at this!' I distinctly recall Kenneth saying—as we sorted through Frank’s manuscript files at the copy machine."
These house keys are like
D. Hasselhoff’s knees:
I’ve never kissed them.
I want to kiss D. Hasselhoff’s knees
is a way, for some, of saying
I’m flying on wings of tenderness
with nuns hitting me
just to hear me fart over shortwave radio.
For me it’s something else.
A denial? Of my involvement? In J. Lo, pregnant with twins?
Perhaps it’s just a way of saying please
or thank you, or Gesundheit!
I am incredibly thankful for these keys;
Monday, July 7, 2008
Sunday, July 6, 2008
Saturday, July 5, 2008
I’m listening to trance music
It sounds a little like dance music
Dance music sounds nice underwater
I can only imagine, having had no
Fireworks were going off
Earlier but now it’s three o’
Clock and I think everybody
Is in bed either sleeping or having sex
Sex is nice under or within water
Again I’m only speculating
Have you ever tried Internet dating?
It’s even more fun than masturbating
Unless you really are a master
And not a total disaster
When it comes to pleasing
This is starting to sound like
Really bad Frederick Seidel
But I like how it looks on the screen
As I listen to trance music and “dream”
There goes my train of thought
It was, uh, derailed
I mean that literally
I mean laterally
And I mean that laterally
I mean literally
Stop me before I stun again
It’s funny how much I gain when
I take a brisk walk to the ATM
Withdraw some cash and come home again
—wait, no—that’s something I’ve never done
Why would anyone leave home
Just to go to the ATM
And then come home again
Without stopping to buy anything on the way?
What would they need the money for?
Well one possibility is that
Someone at home is owed money by the person
Who goes to the ATM
And that someone is refusing to leave
Until he/she has his/her money in hand
(Ppphhh……this poem needs to get better
And I don’t know whether
Or not it’s going to turn out okay
At least it’s not a bad way
To spend an hour or whatever)
O how I love PBS, stormy weather,
People who take their clothes off
And O how I love to flap my face
From left to right from place to place
Humming nothing you can hear
Except when maybe I lean in
And shout it softly at your ear
Thursday, July 3, 2008
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Every thought I have is something I stole from a seemingly wise grown-up. (I'll believe anything.) Therefore some of what I "know" must be wrong. I realize this. That's why I'm reluctant to have opinions, much less express them.
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
If you go to the soon-to-be-defunct Strand Annex looking for these books, um, you might be out of luck.