I remove a nail (reenactment)

Step 1) I remove the nail.

See the hole? Just above and to the left of center.

IT WAS AS BIG AS MY HEAD

No it wasn't. Whatever.

                   FIN

How do I feel about theory? This tells you basically how I feel about theory

Occasional Visiting Professor of Applied Narcotics, Stanley J. Krammerhead III, Jr., analyzes the Rutles.

ANISTON BREAKUP CLIP


I'm sending the Aniston breakup
clip to my wife looked
around at the empty house
let's open up something better
in its place everything is
ending here I think you
might have just written a
Billy Joel song for me
it's my worst nightmare yeesh
that's awful nice thanks bro
I knew you were cool
when I started following you
what happened to the good
old days of Spring Break
being easy to plan why
am I drunk oh yeah
I forgot how much I
love the National I miss
the balcony scenes most every
time I see this photo
of you I think of
Zorro memorizing laws is fun
you're only a little Italian
though I don't even know
that I know your real
name didn't you try to
give that away before where
do you hang your hat
goldfish crackers are way too
good maybe a pretty cocky
princess would save me though
my life seems too boring
to bother twittering oh cock

A SLIGHTLY BETTER DAY


Tuesday, a slightly better day than Monday
The new Red Ring of Death
Lies damn lies Richard Nixon lies and statistics
Anybody want to lead some floats this morning?
I'm already on the way to the Berne office
Will be glad when I get home

Why can not kids get along 2 at a time but better 3 at a time
Yeah, I figured. I was a few minutes too late
I'm in the market for some cycling clothes,
Where should I go in Chicago?
I want to make a movie with Cillian Murphy

Gotta be good with the small things I have now
Before God trusts me with more
Ideas and beliefs are never unifying
Still getting unsolicited calls from Warranty Services

My future's so bright!
Yay! Be right there!
I was distracted with camera talk

Anyone know how to fix a dishwasher?
I heard that you were there. How did it go?
Why am I at work so early?
It's about air conditioning only apparently
Was better but seems to be worse again

Haha oh my
That's evidence that she doesn't like the taste of coffee
Rise up against bad shaves we say
I have only stuck a nighty on
Not much difference really
Jesus tapdancing Christ NO

Had a meeting with our new tax woman last night
She laughed at us repeatedly
Cloud computing can't help change cultures
Why can't you be on time for me?
A heart without love shrinks to the size of its loneliness

Cloudy today, maybe the garden will get some rain
Reading in the sun is also fun

Forgot what vital piece of information I was going to share
Never mind it was probably rubbish anyway

I enjoyed reading this blog post by Mark Wallace very much.

NOT THE AVERAGE IOWA FARMERS


I'm into baseball, but that doesn't stop me from asking why
there are basemen throwing up in the moratorium.
Does this bother you? Are we on the same page?

You guys are going to make me laugh. That's how
much I invest in our friendship, and how little
does it matter which tunes we end up squandering,
there'll always be room for you at Home Depot.
I know because I'm over there all the time,
checking out light switches and stuff.

For some reason I find myself
converted by these acts, many of them
not even my idea. It looks to be a certain kind of day ahead,
the mistaken-for-informative brochure informed me.

Isn't reading Freud to understand literature kind of like asking the guy who invented the lobotomy for gardening tips?

Why does literary theory want so fucking badly to be social studies or philosophy or psychology or something else that it isn't?

Notes to self and others (copies and pasties)

LISA ROBERTSON and SINA QUEYRAS

We are proud to have a visit from two acclaimed Canadian poets who have both done remarkable things with the lyric essay form. Coach House Books, Canada’s preeminent avant-garde small press, has recently published Lisa Robertson’s Magenta Soul Whip by Lisa Robertson and Expressway by Sina Queyras. The authors will read from their work and participate in a discussion.

Friday, March 20, 6:00 pm, in Room 9204.
CUNY Graduate Center, 365 Fifth Avenue, New York.

***

Friday, March 20 2009 7:00pm

The Multifarious Array

Tony Mancus, Myronn Hardy & Jess Mynes

Hosted by Sommer Browning

Pete's Candy Store
709 Lorimer Street,
Williamsburg, Brooklyn

Free
L to Lorimer, G to Metropolitan

***

Segue Reading Series @ Bowery Poetry Club
Saturday March 21 4:00 p.m. - 6:00 p.m.
308 Bowery, just north of Houston
$6 admission goes to support the readers

K. Silem Mohammad is the author Breathalyzer (Edge Books, 2008), A Thousand Devils (Combo Books, 2004), and Deer Head Nation (Tougher Disguises, 2003). Abraham Lincoln, which he edits with Anne Boyer, is the single most significant poetry magazine in North America that always features a large cat and a rainbow on its front cover.

Lytle Shaw’s most recent books include The Chadwick Family Papers (a collaboration with Jimbo Blachly, Periscope, 2009) and Frank O'Hara: The Poetics of Coterie (University Of Iowa Press, 2006).

***

Date: Saturday, March 21, 2009
Time: 7:30pm - 10:30pm
Location: erika’s loft
Street: williamsburg
City/Town: South Brooklyn, NY

Join me for three great writers: Amy King, Ana Božičević and Jeni Olin–

Ana Božičević emigrated to NYC from Croatia in 1997. Her first book, Stars of the Night Commute, will be published by Tarpaulin Sky Press in Fall 2009. I.e., stars will appear in the sky. Her most recent chapbook, God, Sebastian, Amy, is available from Flying Guillotine Press. With Amy King, she curates the Stain of Poetry reading series. For more, visit nightcommute.org and stainofpoetry.com.

Jeni Olin lives in Manhattan where she rages in “posh isolation” with her maltese dog Good Times. Jeni received her BA & MFA from Naropa University. Her first full-length book BLUE COLLAR HOLIDAY was published by Hanging Loose in 2005. Her most recent publication is a chapbook of pharmaceutical sonnets about antidepressants titled THE PILL BOOK from Faux Press, 2008. She is currently working on a manuscript called EVERYBODY LEAVES. Also she is changing her name to Truck Darling and her friends call her truck…

Amy King is the author of I’m the Man Who Loves You and Antidotes for an Alibi, and forthcoming, Slaves to Do These Things (Blazevox Books). For information on the reading series Amy co-curates, please visit The Stain of Poetry: A Reading Series (http://www.facebook.com/note_redirect.php?note_id=70666913454&h=4225e512ade41a079f65d0710ce0c10c&url=http%3A%2F%2Fstainofpoetry.wordpress.com%2F) or visit her at http://www.amyking.org/.

Email Amy for the address [amyhappens at gmail.com].

Soccergirl, Incorporated

A year or two ago I discovered this podcast called Soccergirl, Incorporated and I stopped listening to it for awhile for no reason and then I started listening to it again like just the other day.

It's hard to summarize what it is, but basically you have the host whose name is Soccergirl (aka Anneke Rudegeair) and she talks about things and stuff and makes up songs and what I guess you'd call skits and she's very smart and clever and her show is very well-made DIY at its best et cetera and she looks like-->

but anyway basically what she is is a pioneer of the artform/media-thing type deal known as the podcast. It's sort of bringing back old-time radio traditions a little bit, like in the sense of 'talk radio' that isn't the kind of 'talk radio' you hear on regular 'talk radio'. You know, 'theater of the mind' type stuff. (Soccergirl is especially good at this because she's very good at doing different voices.)

She also talks about various parts of the human body a lot in a very humorous and shameless way that's very refreshing.

She has over 300 episodes so far. Click the link above or look for her on iTunes and listen to her on the subway like I do. Yay.

STORY POINTS


I problem, profession, or better, 

And certain audience in these holes
In my head for engineers.
We read and write twice boring chat.
It is a symbol, and the literature,
But want the quality. 

And strict monitoring of the monkeys' dance.

Author's beautiful prose and suggestions throughout the work,
Because it is what most people are
On you. Writing songs when I was bored
After my interests and cut the
Sound and arrangement, and color images unlimited
Possibilities for discussion, although
The extent of provision of resources.

In general, satisfaction, and then,
Through a common search form rarely read—I,
Who is the best song slyly quickly, slowly, what I think
Or worldness air (a German mood) means
That the agreement is colonized for the spirit of an important place
To quickly and effectively vie, usually:
Experience the beauty of my feelings
For the car is zero. 

For this situation, by the way, 

You will not be bored. I have to run (and the actual 

Contributions of the work, the magnetic reader 

And the text of the conclusions, or energy-intensity of 

Traditional stories, but it is expected to pay) or remember the facts.

Stephen Elliott on reclaiming 'hipster'

I like this article very much.

THE WORLD'S PROBLEMS

The world's problems

Are contained inside a marble

Wedged between my left big toe

And the toe next to it

Inside my shoe as I walk around

It is a complicated marble

Full of sleeping generals

The rhythm of my walking calms them

I'm walking around the rim of a fountain

In the center of a circular driveway

In front of a retirement home

In the Central Standard time zone

The Central Standard time zone

Is inside the marble in my shoe

And is at least as complicated

If not more so

Good advice from Frank Black

"I think it's great that there's independent outlets for music, and independently-minded artists and fans, but I think it's okay too for people to listen to the new Bon Jovi album or whatever, it doesn't really matter. That dude has a Rush hat on, right, because there's people in the world that like Rush. I don't, but that's just because I don't. I'm not cooler because I don't, you know what I mean? The whole cool thing, corporate rock vs. indie rock, it's all baloney. It's just rock and roll."

NUTRITION PREDATORS


Now all you have created,
and we need the Rosetta Stone,
explaining how it works.

The first places to work
as a clock, and you breezing along. Thus,
if the material or say,

but we need to beef. Therefore, we must
understand the organization and
planning site. I admit that

my job was a little easier
than most because I blog that the stream
of consciousness, that is

to say: "Everyone thought that in
my head, and I believe that the current title,
full of random points. Take pictures also me."

My "shelf" has been deemed "not haut"

Judgment is swift and harsh over at HTMLGIANT. (Commenters are divided, however.) What do you think? Yeah, I know, you can't see most of the titles because of the skinny spines. But I'm counting on you poetry people to recognize the books based on what little of the cover design you can see.

How about this. My own little contest: let's see who can name the most books in this picture, based on whatever visual data you can gather. The winner receives nothing.

Sound good?

OK, fine, the winner receives my admiration. (What you don't know is, I already admire you, so I'm not really sacrificing anything. Suckers!)

FRONTS AND SWITCHES


There are different types of women.
Those who are brave and modest dress.
Those who have their feet warm.
And others fell quickly traveling chest out.

I have many times in different places, the women,
While at the same time, strong legs and breasts
Almost fell out of the same possible.
As you know, but not verified.

Furthermore, it is unfair. Women, the breasts are good,
And should not in the field with long legs walk.
Schuster, breasts stay, I said. Hey,
The weather was a burden.

Instead, the lords of the creation of the feet
To be admired, I have nothing, but to protect
Their own place. What high red head
When I went to the bars, all of them reported

That fair play, so that only the heart that's true.
A highlight, as I grow wiser. I changed over
Us, courage, and more modest clothes.
And here is very quiet.

I think I make a little knob high.
From the top of the T-shirt.

PALACE INSTALLATION


Installed in the electricity
Placed in the ice
All other materials and we
Expect in the ice, the same as the water,
When returned, must be
Given the necessary cables to power
The building of a fishing rod.

This special protection,
The lower chamber of the house
Is a pipe. I had
A few trees, which were the numbers
For suction kick. It allowed
The average viewer.

This was the first step, which shovels began
To pave the way for people to come to the body
And around water, so it must be
Transferred in accordance
With the beans and drainage
Systems. In addition,
The water is installed.

And the buildings as a place
Below, with greater perspective,
The property, the track for
The first time in the corner.

We dug scale, and
Coming home, you can return the car.

A LITTLE SONG

Clean air participated in me 

The night I screamed into a crowd of furniture-enthusiasts

Their sympathies divided

I snuck into a sack and watched them unfold

From the back of the house

I've never slept

In a cozier fridge

And yet I was never more aware 

Of being sick

I made up a little

Song to pass the time

And I sang the song

And flapped my arms

Until snow began to sink

Through the roof of my hat

And my presence of mind became

Essence of foam

OK

I tend to, but I think I saw in the movies 

biscuits have been used 

to come to your attention is 

not disturbed. Fortunately, they were stored 

in the occasion. Yes, if you think it is for maintenance 

of facilities in consultation with me, will be 

a good idea to research in the first heard 

in May to go in because of the 

building. I think this does not mean 

that I want to help? But the excuse that the mountain 

five miles down the tunnel 

that this will not happen. Etna is that you have. 

Pretty lame if you ask me. I saw the documentary. 

Fun and more fun sometimes stubborn, but 

when some of them a group of criminals, and milk, 

while it is fun to see the audience. Really bad men and women 

with big tits and gloves show. All young. 

High volume is not OK 

to stop me to tell you. Since this is my first day on the head 

or later, need to feel the pull of nearly unstable gaming 

add paths interesting proposal is changed, 

when in doubt. As darn sight better than the winter 

or in connection with a project focusing on 

the main characters at least. This is the second 

law. The I if I told you what I think you can 

not prove that there can be little cause to me. Comedy 

distributed under privileged children, to believe that 

things about the need for it. FDR on something 

we, as I said, to listen to the soliciting, but I felt? 

It seems as if all our other tomato plants, 

and will hold for now. Yesterday I buy 

a good pair of socks for the siege, or borrow 

money from local leaders, see the brother of 

the late wife is the niece of two 

daughter-in-law. Cousin sister cousin aunt. 

Both OK me to work in all the finery, and I would like, 

so I prepared to enter the league name, I choose to use 

the clothing in the candle 

to help only so much that we need to party 

next time you can fix it was created. Later decided 

that it is not sufficient. For better or old 

I just want what is Sela Ward, 

or the combination does not want to reward 

or cost to people in the school for admission. If you log in, 

and I promise that before I got the 

first time in the garden and on the draft 

wisecrack play video poker, to see, to avoid 

to beat you. Nonconformist. But in reality, in bed, 

so I left the blade and strengthen 

our immune system is cool. If there is too much 

dead on the road, and concluded that it 

is time to play, but time is money, it was not OK.

I am currently reading everything. This includes Eeeee Eee Eeee, by Tao Lin.

I might, might, have started reading this because it's trendy.

I have definitely, definitely, continued reading it because it's knocking my socks off. Look at them. Look at my socks. All the way over there, on the other side of the room.

I think I might start putting some of my Goodreads reviews on here. None of them are very substantive, but what they lack in substance they make up for in shallowness.

Here is my Goodreads review of Eeeee Eee Eeee:

My copy is missing pp. 33-64. Pages 153-184 are duplicated where 33-64 should be. I need to get a new copy. 

Always, always, always check to make sure a book's pages are all there and in order before you buy it.

This happened six years ago when I read White Teeth by Zadie Smith. Since then I have never been able to turn a page in a book without checking the page numbers to make sure that the page I'm turning to is the correct number.

Since it's been more than 30 days since I bought this, I can't return it for a refund. I wonder if they'll exchange it for the same item if I show them the error. Even if they won't do that, I might just give it back to them so that they can check to make sure their other copies don't have the same problem. That would be a considerate act and I think I would feel good about it.

UPDATE 3/7/09

After a brief interruption I have resumed reading Eeeee Eee Eeee. I acquired my new and correctly paginated copy via the American Express® ThankYou Rewards program, wherein 'points' accrued over time through the use of my Citi Amex card may be redeemed for merchandise. I redeemed 2500 points (just over half my total points) to acquire Eeeee Eee Eeee.

And I'm very happy to report that it's as good as people say it is and better than other people say it is.

I am very excited to be reading two 'experimental' novels at the same time. The other one is The Red Robins by Kenneth Koch. Of course I'm still reading Tristram Shandy and Gravity's Rainbow if you want to count those. Is Infinite Jest 'experimental'? Is Infinite Jest called 'experimental'? Either way, I'm reading that too.

Much love for all the above.

But back to Eeeee Eee Eeee. Stay tuned. I mean, read it. Forget my review. Forget all reviews.

LAZING ABOUT


Also at the meeting, which still does
not understand the results. Again, the earthquake.
For this question, I believe, and will be

appointed for you? Will be able
to use, including a new design and
many of the old with stains. What I mean is

not completely smooth, some rough patches
here and there, as always happens. It better
than what was under way for

the immune system is hot.
Change the behavior, in my opinion, an
important first step. This is just a matter of law,

regardless of time or the transfer, it is easy
to determine when to end, put on the table.
However, the wind is expected to eat too early in the rock,

but not the clubs, housing,
and speaks of a conspiracy. When he
was released, but at the end

of this myth of people who eat the profession. It is not only
the tragedy of cancer. Some even
become more efficient, and we know that

there is no return. Bees,
or patients considered as candidates
glass Shuiqing of Zadyhavsya

but perhaps a practical way as follows: "As there is
no time for the space needle tea.
Acho vegetables for God!"

THE LARGEST LOOKALIKES


As is the case in their hands,
the culmination of a year
in expected value of a thing, only
that he had never chosen to
play in the community of its ugliness
in your system includes the
right to complain to the teeth,
armed, and whole berries in mid-July
had to be accelerated in the last test on toast.

Before I said anything green-feathered
game embarrassed, stopped to think
a little normal, gained less land,
well, too fast. Ruck, Ruck,
Nelson, has said the director of the two. Staff person
Nelson Nelson Nelson Nelson
employees goose. Lick why lake.
BIC has been corrected and the true
happiness swell feverishly along Solstice minister
hopes that the good is good even
for small quantities to maintain tit.

Hooker tote after
pot hole its smells
good is a new sport
on a per month from
Sunday morning Sunday,
the largest lookalikes.

Pipeline Authority is also known because it is not
what I thought, I thought it was, I believe that
this is nothing, but I thought of you and are likely.

I am currently reading The Red Robins, by Kenneth Koch

Because I'm silly, I had put off reading this book for years even though it's been in my possession all those very years. A first edition! With cover art by Larry Rivers, as is customary with Koch's books. I'm so excited to finally be reading this. Here is a sample, the beginning of chapter 3:

There are no tigers anymore. No tigers. There is a tiger with me now. He is a useful tiger. My tiger, I call him, and, for me, he eats up everything that is around me that I don't like. Which is some days almost everything except the air; and on other days includes that foul stinking air. My tiger would eat ME up, which would be to my delight, but for a paradox which reason cannot resolve. He is my creation, my tiger, and the weather cannot, except in a symbolic sense, destroy the day.

Going back to Koch is like listening to Louis Armstrong or something. Just clears away the cobwebs and blogwebs and delivers energy like an energy drink. Or several energy drinks. Works for me anyway.

Taking down Dickman

I'm only halfway through this review by Michael Schiavo and I have to go to bed, but I have already found it extremely satisfying.

I finally figured

out what to do with my "other" blog. I've decided that Unflatic's purpose will be to serve as a place where I put up stories that are in progress at first, and then eventually finished. The instant gratification of posting every day will help spur me along in finishing the stories. That's the theory. I'm a person who needs spurring.

Spurrrrrrrrrrr.............

20 boox?

This meme confuses me. Twenty books that made you fall in love with poetry. Why would it take twenty? If the first ten books on your list didn't get the job done, then what are they doing on the list? In other words, if the first book on your list made you fall in love with poetry—and it must have, since it's on the list—then aren't the following nineteen superfluous, as far as the list is concerned?

Anyway I can't even remember which one was first. It was either Leaves of Grass (which to this day I've only read a tiny fraction of), or this book by Cummings, 100 Selected Poems. Those were both teenager books (meaning books read by me as a teenager).

Then there was Eliot in college (mainly just Prufrock, which was pretty earthshaking for me at the time—I thought it was hilarious), and Koch, Schuyler, James Tate and Dean Young. (I didn't like Ashbery until a bit later, towards the end of college.)

There might have been some others in there too, I just can't remember off the top of my head what took the top of my head off. I also can't remember individual books. I guess I think more in terms of authors than books when it comes to poetry. I'm not a person who cares so much about a poetry book as "a book". I constantly forget which poems are in which books. Even though nowadays I usually try to read a book front to back, I didn't do that so much when I was starting to read poetry. I skipped around. I was just thinking about poems, not books.

So, yeah. No list from me.

Self-reimbursement plan, step one: no book purchases of any kind for at least three months.

                 "                     "        "    two: try to find granola bars and M&M's in bulk.

                 "                     "        "    three: haven't thought of it yet. Ideas, people?

PLANS


So far the streets haven't spoken or
Looked less severe despite efforts
Undertaken in the name of hopscotch reform.

People drifted into footnotes of our expressions
Like ultimate fighters to come
At the place designated,
Its departure looked for, then decoded.

It has been a lovely creeping cow
All over the leaking charm. It
Should have been reinforced, a multitude
Unliked and locked up for
A pleasant night, a working definition.

Someone came here from either Hay River or Yellowknife, Northwest Territories!

Who knew they had internet up there? How is that even possible?

Whenever I look at a map of Canada I'm awestruck. Not so much because it's big. The U.S. is big too. But in Canada, especially in the west, there are

So. Few. People.

Population of Northwest Territories (2006): 41,464.

Dude. That's smaller than my neighborhood (Hamilton Heights).

Northwest Territories is 440,479 square miles. That's about .09 people per square mile. In other words, 10.6 miles per person.

Now, the population of Yellowknife, the capital, was 18,700 in 2006. So take that away from 41,464, and you find that the population of NT outside this town is just 22,764. Which means you have a population density of .05 people per square mile, or 19.3 square miles per person!!!

One person

for every

nineteen

point

three

square miles.

People who live there must feel like interplanetary explorers. I know I would. So many miles of trees and mountains and lakes and ice and snow and tundra and bears and caribou who know no more about Twitter than they do about movable type, or freaking cuneiform for that matter.

And they have a mountain called Mount Nirvana. How cool is that? It's the highest point in the NT.

And, coolest of all...

IT HAS NARWHALS ON ITS COAT OF ARMS