YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE


This morning is a test of the emergency broadcast system.
If this were an actual morning, you'd be dead by now.
Congratulations, you've been accepted into my fan club,
Which is a club for people who enjoy keeping cool.

Lemonade is available to those who desire it,
But be careful where you place your glass. Always
Use a coaster. I am here to behave well before you,
And to suckle at your synapses. The bodies of water

You've laid eyes on throughout your life are nothing
Compared to the bodies you'll find in my study tonight,
Yours and mine, yes, which are 100% water anyway,
Let's not forget. Instead let's pile into this here bus

And let's get bussed. We'll get bussed from Area 51
To Area 50 across the street and back again. Cheerleaders
I have hired for the day will line the road and cheer us on.
Having earned their pay, they will retire to their homes

In nearby townships unincorporated, where they will nap
Outside in the sun in their solid gold hammocks. This concludes
Our test. Sated, wreathed in safety, I rest easy. And now
My dog and I will go on a long walk to the pharmacy.