SNOWFLAKES ARE ASSHOLES
You're a beautiful, unique snowflake
Who despises all the other beautiful
And unique snowflakes. You. Are. An. Asshole.
Don't be an asshole: just say "no"
To cultural appropriation. It's a pain in my ass
Passed down from man to man throughout
My consuming and aggressive illness:
Snowflakes stuck to the asshole.
It started out as home-defense
And ended full-ass psycho.
Then this morning I sat in traffic
And waved to my asshole neighbor.
His hips were bouncing faster
Than any man's hips should move.
I like how he's supposedly separated
From his wife but still found time
To knock her ass up with twins.
Women are like snowflakes: sassy, libertine, bisexual,
Married, passionate, ambitious, clever,
A little bit wild, downright filthy, practically magnetic.
They aren't banging down your door to be your friend.
Oh, and snowflakes can also fuck off
For turning me into the "get off my lawn" guy.
I make it sound like I was a grade-A asshole
But really I was just a vegan
Because I wanted to be a special snowflake.
I've always wanted to be a special little snowflake
Almost as much as I've always wanted to be an asshole.