Wednesday, June 4, 2008

After breakfast one morning, Wilbur learned from his cardiologist that a fire hose is useful to have on hand when trying to put out a fire. The water from the hose, explained Dr. Lewis, comes into contact with the fire and prevents it from continuing to exist. The same principle applies to rifles and organisms.

"Life," the physician continued, "on Earth has been evolving steadily for the past three hundred years. Most people alive today are relatively happy, compared to their primitive ancestors. We have more in the way of frivolous distractions, yes, but these are mitigated by our intense focus on doing what is right at every moment when the question of right or wrong comes into play. I, for one, am proud to be alive and kicking today, as today is preferable to the whole of history."

Wilbur shrugged and turned back to his video game. "I don't know if I believe you, Morley. Rather, I don't believe that you believe what you're saying, though I agree with some of it wholeheartedly. It sounds to me as if you're merely outlining the feel of a worldview, not unlike the way a SCUBA diver outlines his memoir before composing it." Wilbur paused to execute a tricky maneuver on his controller. On the screen before him a thug was thrown over the side of a bridge by Wilbur's avatar. He then resumed his tirade, if you could call it that. "Take as example my cousin Horace, the blind commodities trader. He lived by instinct, not innuendo. Why can't you be more like him?"

The doctor was unable to answer, having left the building some minutes before.

"Oh well," said Wilbur to the room. "Let's see what Montel is talking about today." He saved his game and switched the TV from "video 2" to "cable". It was 1:56 PM. Montel came on at 2 PM every weekday, so Wilbur would have to wait four minutes to learn about things from Montel. He passed the time by watching the end of Divorce Court, which came on right before Montel every day. He was not very interested in Divorce Court, so he made time go faster by thinking about sex. Four minutes later he was on the floor, pantsless, not even thinking about Montel.

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